New setting, new experiences, new discoveries and resolutions

This entry took a long time coming. I havent really been writing much since my return from the exchange program, but I hope to become more regular from now on. My first quarter at Stanford is coming to a close and till now, it has been an interesting ride. Past two months have been a blur of assignments, homeworks, lectures and failed attempts at getting funding from professors. I have realized that I enjoy academics, but in a mostly applied sense. I am very interested in learning about mathematical (or other) skills that can have direct implications on the daily life as opposed to theorems and proofs which are mostly of interest to academics.
I have somehow become acutely aware of how lucky I am at having got an opportunity to study first at IIT and now at Stanford University, and thus want to make the most of my exposure. I cant help but compare myself to so many of my compatriots who couldnt get a decent education because of poverty, ignorance, lack of seats etc, and thus feel more responsibility towards making my education count. The past few months have made me realize that I can be good at academics and mathematics(U might think its a joke but IIT makes u insecure at times), given I try hard enough. So now the question is, just coz you are good at something does that mean you should do it for lifelong? I recently attended a very impressive talk by Tom Kelley, in which he talked about finding an intersection between what you are good at, what are you born to do and what can people pay you to do. He exhorted students to find out about what they are happiest doing and how they can keep on doing that forever. On deep introspection, I have realized that though I like maths and basically academics, I am not born to solve equations.I have seen people who are born to do so and derive most of their happiness deriving an equation or solving a puzzle. I, on the other hand, have mostly been the quintessential hard working guy with an above average intellect and ambition.
So what is it that makes me happy, what gives me the most pleasure? What kindles emotions ranging from exhilaration, achievement to self-worth inside me. What is it that ignites passion and gives life a sense of purpose and meaning? I had a wide variety of experiences in undergrad years, some good ones and others even better. But the ones which I consider best, and really feel happy about in retrospect, were not some random exams or exam projects, but ones in which we as a group harnessed the energy of youth and like minded individuals to achieve something spectacular.
I have now seen most of the Western world and can safely claim to know something about the culture and lifestyle of so called progressive societies. One thing unique about them is that every country, at some stage, has has a generation that has risen and resolved to make changes, bring about innovation and lay down the foundations for a prosperous future. They have created institutes of great excellence, laid out the infrastructure and set up the system that could then help percolate the fruits of progress to future generations. When I think of success, I think of college and how the grades and individual performances always took a back seat as compared to hostel pride. I wonder if that was just an impressionist youth mind at work or is that a prelude or a sign of something more.What does success mean to me in life? Is it to have a fat bank balance, fleet of luxury cars, foreign holidays and golf carts or is it to say with pride that I am an Indian and am proud to be so, that I am from a country which is known for the cultural tolerance of its people rather than the rigidity and excesses of its social classes, for the brilliance of its innovation rather than the crushing poverty and illiteracy of millions, for the institutes which are envy of the world and centers of excellence rather than being exporters of human capital. If that is what success means to me, then how can I contribute and work towards achieving my goal? How can use my education, my skills, my experiences best so as to make myself useful? I know these questions have no easy answers but at least now I know what is important to me. It is the first step. Long ago, me and my friend dreamt of one day occupying the highest positions in our college. Neither of us was able to achieve that goal, but the experiences gained made the journey seem worthwhile anyway. Lets see how far this philosophy can be extended to life's journey.