The (Lack of) Company of Women

I have to admit that I am a fairly competitive person.I relish challenges and like to deliver when the pressure is extreme.I have had my share of more than average competitive victories too.But one competition which has always left me bamboozled is that of heart.I just dont have a clue.And the more I absorb the European way of life, more I seem to be embroidled in the threos of 'bachelorhood'.I am fairly certain I am heterosexual, but I lack the required initiative to really do something about this.And when I do take it,either I am too late or left to savour the stories of the wonderful 'couple'

I mean people who know me,girls included seem to be quite impressed by my repertoire of accomplishments and vast sort of junk knowledge and opinion that I seem to posess.But the problem is I never seem to get a chance to unleash my above listed weapons at an oppurtune time or person.Even alcohol doesnt induce the necessary careless rush to counter the situation with the ethical part actually getting quite stronger as the evening progresses thus leading to a vicious cycle ultimately increasingly my alcohol resistance even more.In recent times, I am actually quite thankful to be going back in a sluggish Indian society where you dont have to compete every moment for the sensual pleasures and where the 'ethical' people also have a chance to thrive and are not seen as alien species.

I dont know where the ethical part comes from-which makes it difficlt for me to approach a girl.Maybe its just lack of confidence or cowardiceness which I am trying to masquerade as ethics.Or maybe its the conditioning and deep values which I am not being able to discard(Gawd!wont my parents love me for this!!!) or most probably its plain inexperience.I seem to experience better luck in company of some more experienced peers having illustrious record at this front.Their irritation and contempt at my apparent lack of understanding and application of the simple steps are not different from the one I experience when I have to explain them a problem of mathematics.Its amazing how two situations though completely different lead to same kind of emotions and strong feelings.

Another thing that always comes into my mind is the fact that most of the time I am the first Indian they have ever met in their life.So this enviable position elevates me to a pedestal of an ambassador making me all righteours and forcing me to adhere to the lofty ideals and also check my behaviour so as not to cause any lasting embarassment by virtue of my nationality.Now my friend had quite an interesting viewpoint to this.His theory was that as they dont know any Indians,thus they are free from all preconceived notions with just far-fetched ideas of spirituality,Kamasutra and nowdays software to boast and are thus quite interested in you.So the situation is exactly advantageous as compared to countries like US and UK where you are a regular person.And anyway its the subsequent person who has to suffer the consequences of ur behavious so enjoy while you can.You dont have to be rocket scientist to guess who is profiting more from the situation at the moment.

Whatever be the case,the need to find an explanation has led me to develop interesting theories and philosophy about the whole thing.I have started looking at whole thing as sort of a matrix and have finally found the answer which perplexed me so.Why does one choose a real world in front of a matrix?Why would he leave all the 'comforts' and security of the matrix world for harshness of the real one?Because thats what it is the world here-its a dream,an illusion which acts as a motivating factor.Our every action is governed by our desire to bridge the gap between reality and this dream.But sometimes some dreams are better left unfulfilled.Once you realise ur dreams and realize how fruitless are those dreams,u are lost.The loss of ambition and goal is the worst thing that can happen to a person.I confess that I would gladly accept the real world-the dirty,hot,conservative reality but a reality all the same.

(P.S. As one must have guessed I have again written this post after another of those fruitless nights which start so full of hope but always end in me succeding in developing a new theory rather than making inroads to my holy ethical self.(Have to admit the places are amzing laboratories for thought process.I have enjoyed quite a many revelations in bars,pubs,discs).Its amazing how eloquent I become after such parties-just wish that it wasnt always the computer playing the part of my muse.)