Of Kisses and forbidden topics

I was recently going through some article on the webspace criticising the rising incidence of public affection in India and how this was against Indian culture and values.With the point being that though …. we are a liberal country, but not when our women kiss or are kissed in public. And my mind wavered off to many news items and photos that I have seen in DT where there are actual incidences of crowd trouble on seeing some foreigners kissing passionately oblivious to the hordes of onlookers and unapologetic about breaking the so called norms curbing the show of affection in public places.

Now this 'unashamed' show is one thing that you just cant ignore about the Western society,especially the French one as France and Spain are two countries most renowned for such sort of affection.Love it or hate it,but you cant miss it.Whenever a couple locks lips, and mind you the no. can be as high as 20-30 times during the course of a single lunch line,my emotions do a kind of somersault and shift from ecstacy to disgust and if the frequency is high, 'I dont care 'attitude.Though it does get irritating after a while especially in a group if everytime you talk,someone is busy trading kisses.After frequenting many bars and clubs in the first few months,I amused myself by predicting which couples or dancing strangers would graduate to kissing and in how much time.And I realized that I was quite good at this.Nothing amuses you as much as the success of your experiments.It can get very uncomfortable at the beginning with scenes like these seen moremostly just in cheap movies and even a fleeting lip-lock in a Hindi movie being such a source of gossip and interest for all.Once a German girl,who was very interested in Hindi movies asked me about the reason why Indian actors dont kiss in the movies.I tried to make my point through a small example by saying,"In my 20 years experience,I have never seen an Indian couple kiss openly in public.And I have already lost count of the no. of times I have seen this occurence in Europe."(Mind you its not that I kept count).But she simply replied that,"Its just that when you see two people in love,doesnt it look good if they just let their emotions flow.And what better way to do that by a passionate kiss."

Now here we come to the part about sexual frustrations.I think that its high time that the society thinks about the large amount of time and energy that youth seem to be spending in India thinking about girls/boys and in general about sex.The one main reason why everyone wants to escape from the country is also to gain sexual freedom.I have a feeling that this freedom has to play a role in making French youth efficient being really motivated about work when it matters and at the same time partying and 'having fun' at regular intervals.For example it seems very surreal and sad for me to think of how most of the times a couple in India more so in institutions like IIT has to hide their affections for each other and devise plans and strategies to meet and just to talk in some neutral places far away from the snides and hawkish glare of their batchmates.And how one not help being liberated to be in an environment where 'how many and Who' is a more logical query than 'ever or if''.I have realized the importance of many of our Indian values and traditions but I still cant appreciate this brazen hypocrisy and insensitiveness which leads to such severe frustrations and so many social problems.

Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde

Over the past few months,I have realized that there are two kinds of exchange students at Lyon-the Indians and the rest of them.They are like two seperate entities altogether,the position of former further compounded by the fact that there are just 5 of them as compared to 300 odd of the second kind.The difference is too apparent and striking to be missed.There's as much difference in background,experiences,age as in ambitions and expectations.Nobody can share the wonder and exhiliration experienced by us when watching freshly fallen snow or doing skiing,ice skating,hiking,canoeing etc for the first time or for that matter the charm of watching a football match in Europe.Nobody can understand our appreciation at watching a train or metro come day after day at the exact stipulated time.The difference in aspirations can be judged by a simple experience.Recently,I met 3 Indians in Edinburgh on top of a hill overlooking the city who were studying at Oxford.I was visiting the city with a Portuguese friend who had grumbled the whole way on the fact that we had to take a bus from London leading to cramped and long journey.When the fellow countrymen heard of our journey,their first reaction was,"Whats the problem?Anyway you must have seen the countryside on the way.Thats what matters.its beautiful isnt it??". Echoing my belief and sentiment.Can anyone understand this adulation for mere grass and trees?

The differences in academics are even more mind boggling.For most of us a simple Fukka in a subject means a lot and the proposition of repeating or extending a semester is just unthinkable.This leads to a huge slog and a race to complete as many credits as possible here so as to save yourself from blushes back home.In contrast the attitute of other nationalities is completely different.Most of them come here with the belief that they are not going to validate or pass many courses and the only repurcussions of an yearly exchange program would be that they would finish their degree a semester or two later.Not that it matters much.For example in one of the best university of Germany,the average time people take to complete their 10 semester course is 13-14 semesters.As long as you have some reasons to justify your longevity be it exchange or internship or maybe some social service they just term this anamoly as 'taking things slowly'. No surprise that most of their worries here are concentrated on getting hold of a suitable place to party every night.No doubt that while we have completed 50 credits in one semester,the average for exchange students is just about 15-16.

Thats where partying and clubbing comes into picture.I believe that most of the IITians(must say though cliched, it surely does saves a lot of line print considering the common attributes and characteristics that this word has come to represent) have two personalities-much like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.During the day with all the baggage that they carry by virtue of being what they are(IITian again) and hailing from a developing country,they confront the situation by running from pillar to post to balance all things while the drunk exchange students sleep.But during the night,all the hidden desires break loose.In a bar or a club with all the partying faces around with apparently no worries whatsoever they forget for a while their baggage and try to steer away from reality by making sure to cherish these moments because they know that when they wake up the next morning their baggage will be back and it would take a renewed effort and vigour to counter the challenges posed by virtue of country,culture,personality and aspirations.But just at that moment with wine,music and beautiful girls,it doesnt matter.

A Rudderless existence

Love-has to be one word I have never truly understood.Maybe the reason is that I have never felt real passion for anything.I have never adhered to any ideals or philosophies.Never the one to bound myself by any beliefs, I have always gone with the instinct-be it eating non-vegetarian food for the first time one fine day,drinking alcohol the other day or applying for exchange and Sura on the same day.

I have never had any fixed interest or philosophy in my life with me always believing in adapting and taking things as they come without thinking too much.But at some point of time this lack of direction starts nagging you,starts making you uncomfortable.Whenever someone tells me that he has done something which he always dreamt about or which was one thing he always wanted to do,I always feel a pang of jealousy and sadness at the lack of such moments in my life.I have always wanted to experience something which I have always wanted to but try as hard I could,I havent been able to figure out any such goal or longing.I think this is the reason of my being jack of many trades and master of none.I just havent pursued anything with such force and vigour so as to conquer and master it.I guess these things have never mattered to me much.

Its been the same story in my dealings with people too.I have never been a part of large group.Partly because I could never make the compromises necessary to synchronise myself with the groups needs and habits.Small things mattered to me-maybe because I liked walking faster than others,or eating faster than others or studying alone rather than with others.I realized that for me to become sociable another person would have to make an effort.He/She would have to relentlessly push me,force me and pester to teach me the matters of tact.

Convenient though it was initially for me in pursuing my individualistic goals,I have lately realized that man being a social animal craves the attention of people,friends and well wishers.And its essential to have some beliefs,ideals to defend and goals to achieve which you can go to any lengths.Because in the end its these ideals which give you an identity and its the goals which fire your ambition.A person is known for his culture and his convictions.But one gets an inner satisfaction and sense of tranquility when he fulfills and acts as dictated by his heart rather than his mind.I just hope I find mine before its too late.